The Lord has been good to us. These last months I have been awash in the prayers of friends. God has given me a peace that passes understanding and while I don't completely understand why we lost our wee one, I know that one day we will meet that child in Glory.
It has been said that never is heaven so real than when you have a loved one that has gone there before you. This is so true! I lost my grandmother a month(almost to the day) before our baby died. So, I imagine grandma up there caring for my babe until I make it up there one day. I have no idea whether it works that way, but it's a comforting thought.
The last 6-7 months have been the most stressful our family has gone through so far in our lives. But the Lord has carried us through the storm and been with us all the way. There were days that I just wanted to wallow in grief, but He beckoned to me through the darkness and has brought me closer to Him.
I have learned some things about myself through this (not all of which I shall share online in the public domain). I have had my perspective on life changed and my view of the world around me sharpened a bit. I have had certain things whittled away from my life(style) and hopefully I won't be trying to glue it all back on, because that just wouldn't be pretty. (Why do we try to put back what the Lord has taken from us? Wouldn't we rather be a masterpiece than a damaged piece of stone?)
In the midst of my grief, I was amazed at how the Lord made Himself known to me. The beauty of the world around me---the deep blue sky and bright pure white clouds nearly brought me to tears one day. Something we usually take for granted and don't even notice as we rush through daily life.
I need to take more time for the Lord and in His word, the Bible. There is so much to learn there. There is much to be discovered in simply being still....and knowing He is God. I am learning to listen for the still small voice of God in this busy world...and to do my best to do what He says.
I need to feed my soul...to me that very much includes music, reading/writing, creating, and finding time to be by myself. Much as I love my family, I am an introvert and need that time alone to recharge.
I found it very healing one day as I was out near my plants and propagating...bringing new life from the old plants. I enjoy gardening anyway, but found this act to be very symbolic. (I do that--see symbolism in things most people wouldn't notice. Don't know if it's just how I am, or if it's been ingrained in my with my English major education and reading and etc...)
I know this is all quite random, but I just wanted to post a little update. The Lord is at work--may we allow Him to do in us as He wishes!
As a friend posted the other day: If you are not willing that God should have his way with you, then, in the name of God, be miserable--until your misery drive you to the arms of the Father.
I find a lot of truth in that.